"Where did daddy go?" How to answer children's questions about the war
22.02.2023
Constant sirens, trips to a cold and dark basement, the sounds of explosions, and the nervous state of relatives - all this not only confuses but also scares children, which inevitably leads to trauma to their immature psyche. The situation worsens when one of the parents goes to defend the country from an aggressor. The charitable foundation “Pryame Vklyuchennya” informs you how to tell the kids about this and support them.
How to tell children about military parents in a correct way?
If mom or dad is going to war, there is no need to make up any stories about their disappearance. The best option is to inform the child in an appropriate format for the child's age. For preschoolers, it is better to limit the information to general, brief, and without details. According to psychologists, the main task is to form a clear heroic image of parents in the child's mind, who help our country win as soon as possible.
With teenagers, the situation looks somewhat different. They do not need to be explained what war is and why mom or dad should go there. However, the fear for their parents' safety will not disappear even if they realize this. It is natural to worry about your family when they are in a life-threatening situation. Adults should make sure that the child expresses their emotions and feels heard.
At the same time, the most challenging part is preparing for a teenager's reaction to such news. It may be anxiety, fear, hysteria, or even screaming. Never devalue any of the reactions. Show them that they are not alone and can count on your support.
Supporting children during the war
In order to protect the child's psyche from neurotic manifestations, it is necessary to monitor the content they consume. Experts say that the things a person fears the most can arouse their interest. Children have the right to know what is happening on the front line, but you should comment on all the information.
Control the news about combat losses and destruction - do not overload the immature psyche with adult content. Instead, remind them of your unity as often as possible: "We are also worried about mom/dad and grieving," and give hope: "We will definitely win and wait for mom/dad to come home.
To overcome a child's anxiety, they can be involved in volunteering or helping with household chores. If their emotions start to interfere with their normal life, do not hesitate to make an appointment with a specialist. Today, psychologists conduct online sessions, so leaving the child's room is unnecessary.
Should children be in contact with parents who are on the front line?
People of any age regularly feel the need to communicate with their loved ones. It is important to ensure this regularity for children as well: let them talk to their parents, tell them about their affairs, and feel loved despite the difficult circumstances.
Of course, it is not always possible to communicate by phone in the zone of active hostilities. In such cases, you should patiently tell the child about the problems with communication and ask what they would like to talk about with their parents. It's great if you can record a video message or audio that can be streamed to the child at any time.
Relatives who communicate with a child while being at war should also show their support: "I love you and miss you too." After that, it is worth turning the conversation to future plans: "What will you be doing now?"
How to tell a child about the death of a loved one in the war?
Psychologists advise telling traumatic news in the morning so that the child can process the emotional reaction before falling asleep. It should be told to children by their relatives. It is important to report the cause of death without gruesome details. It is better not to make up stories about business trips.
Psychologists warn that such a conversation can be very difficult, but if it is done over time, it will be much harder for the child to survive the death of the parents. You risk not only losing trust in yourself, but also in others.
It often happens that after the death of one of the parents, a child begins to worry about the other. Seeking help from a psychologist is a way to address this. It may also be beneficial for other family members to see a specialist after receiving such tragic news.
Children suffer the most in this war. That is why we must do everything we can to ensure that its terrible consequences do not haunt them after the victory.