Human losses are perhaps the most painful aspect of war. Every day, our defenders die on the front lines. Ukraine will mourn for the fallen for a long time to come.

It is especially difficult for soldiers whose comrades have fallen in this war. Apart from the constant tension, danger, and exhaustion, they get a sense of grief. The Charity Fund "Direct Inclusion" has prepared some tips on how to help soldiers cope with grief and communicate with them during such a difficult period.

How people can react to the death of close relatives and friends?

Psychologists say that the person`s condition can vary: some may keep everything hidden inside and look fine, while others may go through hysterics and aggression. A common trait of these emotions is that they have a couple of phases that must be overcome.

Shock

It usually lasts from a couple of hours to a couple of days. At such moments, a person refuses to accept the tragedy as being real. The brain demonstrates unreadiness to accept the situation.

Anger

This is a period when a person tries to find whom to blame for what has happened. The phase is followed by aggression and a burst of emotions. And this is when the sense of guilt appears.

Bargaining

During this phase, a person not only blames themselves but also replays the possible imaginary ways of avoiding an accident. The realization of helplessness comes.

These phases demand a lot of emotional resources. A soldier may gain apathy, avoid other people, and lose hope.

Acceptance

A person acknowledges grief and is ready to steadily return to normal life and everyday routine. This phase usually comes six or twelve months after the tragedy.

Change of inner values

It happens when a person chooses a new sense and accepts a new philosophy after accepting a loss. For instance, for the soldiers, it can be the creation of a charity fund in the name of a comrade or taking revenge for them in a battle.

In real life, these phases may not necessarily come in such order. One can be angry, one can deny what has happened, and one can make compromises. However, it is essential to remember that a way of grief is long, and one can share it with others.

It is a common thing when, after the loss of a comrade, soldiers are not even able to live through their grief. Combat conditions require them to hide their emotions, be constantly tense, and anticipate danger. The soldiers may have an acute stress reaction for about three days. If the condition lasts longer, it can develop into post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is usually accompanied by anger, irritability, night terrors, reactions to certain stimuli, flashbacks, or other physical and emotional reactions.

After returning from the front line, the soldier begins to go through the grieving stage (and it is different from what they have experienced while serving). In such a case, civilians are advised to speak carefully with the soldier, not to try to ask them about the circumstances of the tragedy. First, one needs to express sympathy, and if the soldier is ready to share their experience – be ready to listen and support.

Psychologists say that grief and the period of awareness of loss have an individual reaction. The soldier may be more aggressive or become more withdrawn. A warrior can say that no one understands them. Most likely, a person will be tormented by conscience and self-blame for the tragedy.

How do you help a soldier deal with the grief?

In such cases, the best option is to consult a psychologist. Many believe that going to a specialist means admitting their weakness. But a session with a specialist is actually a brave step to expose one`s emotions, find the causes of injuries, and eventually be healed.

The Charity Fund "Direct Inclusion" reminds us that rehabilitation for veterans who have lost their comrades should be complex – it should include both social and psycho-emotional support. Society treats such people with caution. It is a natural feeling to want to withdraw. However, the defender must have a person who will support them during all stages of grief. There are also special support groups. For example, local projects within the region or military unit, or nationwide projects, such as the Ukrainian Veterans Fund, the Foundation “Varto zhyty”, VeteranHub, and others.